30 rules you need to know to survive New York City according to New Yorkers

One thing is for certain New York City is a world of its own by more accounts than one and just by the account of nearly everybody. In this ‘Bazaar New York’ series, we took to the streets to ask people their tips for newbies; tourists, and everyone in between to survive their transition or adventure through one of the world’s most notorious cities.

1. Jaywalking is your birthright
2. The stoplight is only a recommendation not a requirement (especially if traffic is far enough away.)
3. A morning latte (or four) is about as normal as swiping your metro card (especially if you work in Manhattan.)
4. Don’t be the dumb one that gets into an empty subway cart especially after dark.
5. Surprisingly enough most confuse on/off when it comes to a cab. If the light is not on do not flag down the cabbie, you are bound to have him shout at you through the window about how he is offline and going home. He might even curse at you if you’re lucky.
6. The general rule of thumb when it comes to bodegas is that if it doesn’t have a four legged cat, you probably shouldn’t eat there. In fact, run as fast as you can down the block to the next one which probably has a cat.
7. Anyone with some common sense knows to live in Brooklyn and commute to Manhattan not the other way around Your wallet will thank you for coming to this ted talk.
8. The Bronx is ‘No Man’s Land’ and is not a place most should go after 4pm.
9. If you value your sanity, you will avoid the following train lines at all costs: The 1 2 G B and R. If they’re not delayed by more than 20 minutes they probably won’t show up at all. You are either bound to be late or bound to be fired.
10. Most MTA workers at the booths do not care if you hop the turnstile despite the fear that is instilled by the authorities. Instead avoid the little minions in orange jackets who boguard the doors like train stations are militant organizations.
11. Generally speaking walking is faster than the MTA in at least 50% of scenarios one may find themselves in while in New York City (no joke depend on the MTA if you dare.)
12. The sidewalks aren’t sidewalks they are informal racetracks and New Yorkers are not responsible if you get mowed down because you didn’t know to keep up with the human speed limit.
13. Asking each other how much one pays in rent is customary because one thing New Yorkers are going to do is bitch about how ungodly and cruel rent is in New York City. (Take a look at Apartments.com for a studio to find out why.)
14. If you’re silly enough to rent a studio you might as well spring for a one bedroom that way you don’t end up shitting in your kitchen and sleeping in your bathroom.
15. Never call the paramedics. If you do call the paramedics inform them you are experiencing a medical emergency and that you will meet them outside of the emergency room after getting out of your emergency uber you called 30 minutes prior to avoid the astronomical medical bill for said ambulance ride (which is generally separate from any hospital bill you may receive.)
16. Avoid the subway between the hours of 7am – 830 am and again between 2:45 pm – 4:15 pm if you prefer not to be in the middle of iPhone wielding children and teenagers screaming and gossiping at the top of their lungs. So serious, you can sit on one end of the train and still hear about how Brandon asked Samantha out when he should’ve asked Taliah to the dance. Distance means nothing here.
17. When purchasing an item from the store always avoid picking up the first item and go for the one behind it. Why? There have been an ungodly number of hands; fingers, and germs on the first of any item. Sanitize immediately afterwards.
18. When accounting for travel time you should always keep the following in mind: crime, teenagers holding up the subway by refusing to not hold the door open, the NYPD doing what the NYPD does best and causing more problems than good, or any unforeseen reason as to why the subway could be delayed. A general rule of thumb is that a 30 minute subway trip is more like 45 minutes on a normal day more like an hour if you’re headed to work and intend to be on time.
19. Queens by default is considered a different country and nobody really goes there because of how far it is.
20. People from New Jersey are convinced they’re superior to New York City but to avoid hurt feelings that conversation gets avoided.
21. Befriending your Bodega man (which is generally the super friendly Middle Eastern guy) is a right of passage.
22. Don’t be fooled the only people who drive cars in this city are those that haven’t walked a block in 20 years. You can get most places here without a car. Save your wallet and avoid the astronomical cost of a car and insurance. Plus, what should be a 20 minute journey in a car easily is more like 45 minutes once you figure out how bad traffic is and trying to find a good place to park. Parking being the mission because otherwise you will end up walking a 3 mile journey to your destination and end up angry at yourself.
23. It’s okay to dress how you want here — after all take a subway ride on any given day and you are bound to encounter someone dressed in a pretty bizarre outfit and absolutely rocking it like nobody’s business.
24. Kindness goes A LONG way in this city. People will remember if you were kind to them especially if they often see you out and about. New York City is not a city you want to burn bridges in.
25. If you move into a neighborhood that doesn’t have a bodega within a two block radius of your apartment save yourself the trouble and run as fast as you can out of that lease.
26. Despite what people say or may let off, many of the designer items you’ll see in this city aren’t real. Some openly wear fake items; some purposefully wear them to deceive others, and then there are those who only wear the fake stuff in public for safety reasons even though their real Gucci purchase that they splurged $4,000 on is safely at home and isn’t at risk of being stolen.
27. We don’t keep up with the Kardashians here. Just saying. being yourself is important and if you got it you got it and if you don’t you don’t.
28. Dating in New York City regardless of sexual orientation is like finishing a box of cheez its and going back for more only to find the box is empty because you finished them. Good luck and may the best headache win.
29. Some people have the superpower of making their cellphones work underground while on the subway, it’s still under scientific investigation as to how they do that.
30. Most importantly, Trader Joe ‘s is superior to Whole Foods. Argue with yourselves.