Adoption is something that in a perfect world should be a good thing. But in the modern day, it isn’t always a good thing, and sometimes it’s even worse than a bad thing. In the 2nd edition of our ‘Let’s Get Real’ column, we hit the digital streets of the internet to ask people their thoughts on their adoption and how or if it negatively affected their lives.
This is Part 1 of our “Let’s Get Real’ series on adoption and the good and the bad parts that come with it.
Trigger warning: This piece may be emotionally devastating for some.
‘I was adopted when I was about 5 by an American family after having been abandoned in Lagos. I didn’t understand what it meant at the time nor did I understand that the motive behind my adoption was not at all what they made it seem. Throughout my entire life, the deception and lies about my ethnicity and who I was tore me apart in a way that I am still healing from at almost 35 years old. My adoption negatively affected me because they lied to me about the existence of my family and told me they had passed away which was not true. They were seen as inadequate parents because they didn’t have enough money to make it all work.’
Hasha Adaego, 35 Dijbouti
‘My adoption centered around as if it were written by a scriptwriter for almost any dramatic Lifetime movie. I was adopted when I was 18 months old by my mother’s sister. They did not have a working relationship and I would later learn that the adoption was done under pretenses. My adoption negatively affected me because I am a mixed-race person of color. They hated me for that and many years attempted to pass me off as a Puerto Rican man. An Ancestry.com DNA test exposed that was a lie and that my real father was alive and well living in California. Thankfully I’ve grown and accepted their betrayal, but I have since moved on from the idea of a family
Mohammed SHK, 28, Brooklyn New York
‘My adoption both negatively and positively impacted me. I’m not sure where I would’ve been had I been left in the foster system, but, I’m not sure how I made it out alive from a family who treated me like a subservient slave from the start. When I was adopted I was told that they were my real parents and that was that. My adoptive parents even as I got older continued to create a lie-after-lie covering up the fact that they falsely had my mother committed because she would not willingly give up her parental rights.’
Sasha W, 25, Phoenix Arizona
‘I ran away from my adopted parents when I was about 15 after many years of abuse. It did not matter if they hit me; struck me, punched me in the face, they were allowed to do whatever they wanted. I would report it to police and the police would tell me they were well within their rights to abuse me. My adoption was the worst part of my life because all I wanted was a pair of parents who loved me instead I got a pair of parents who used me as an extension of themselves for their greed and gain.’
Matthew Thomas, 27, Tacoma Washington
‘At first, it was positive and then my adopted father began raping me in my teenage years. My adoptive mom didn’t believe me and later blamed me for it before I had no choice but to pack my bags and run. My adoption was great at first but then when the dust settled and their ‘third face’ began to show I had to accept the fact that they had adopted me with malicious intentions’
Emily Patrick, 30, Cleveland Ohio
‘Truthfully the most unfair part about my adoption is that I was subjected to racial remarks because of my skin complexion. Black children should not be adopted into entirely white families. That just doesn’t work and it took me so long to finally accept and understand what it meant to be a Black person
Brandon Wilde, 26, Cincinnati Ohio