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Monday is here and that means we’ve got your morning guide to kick off your news appetite. From Hollywood to Ukraine and beyond — we’ve got plenty for you this morning. This guide is brought to you by Cheezits.

  1. The next round of Ukraine negotiations with Russia to stop the war are to be in Turkey

According to the Turkish Presidency, the next rounds of talks will take place in Turkey presumably because Erdogan has inserted himself into the talks as a peacemaker. This is the latest round of talks in an effort by Russia to make demands about a war they themselves started.

2. American movie star Will Smith is facing heat today after smacking Chris Rock at the Oscars

Movie legend Will Smith is making headlines around the world today after smacking Chris Rock at the Oscars last night. As you’ve seen in our newspaper, the video does in fact show Smith striking Chris Rock over a really bad joke about Jada. Jada knowingly suffers from alopecia and that is no room for comedy.

3. Ukrainian officials are investigating reports of a video of soldiers shooting Russian invaders in the knees

A swift investigation is underway after reports emerged that Ukrainian soldiers had been captured on film shooting the Russian prisoners in the kneecaps for more than 6 minutes. It is unclear how the video exactly got it — but according to CNN defence officials are investigating the video as a likely crime.

Like other outlets we are respectfully declining to show the video here.

4. Putin apparently has a new plan for Ukraine and it could spell out the future for the West

According to multiple reports and people close to Putin, the Russian warmonger is headed for a bizarre Korean like scenario in Ukraine. Reports out over the weekend claim that Putin wants to split the country into two just like North and South Korea — both of which have been at odds since the dawn of time. Russia ‘s new particular focus is reportedly that of the eastern region of Donbas.

5. Meanwhile in America….

Places like New York City continue to see spiraling crime at rates not seen in years. This is your weekly reminder to please be safe while out in New York City and similar places. If you have your headphones on turn them on transit mode whereas you can still hear the things around you.

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