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At least, again.   For the first  time when I was about 22 (earlier this year) I tried the whole “Bottom” deal as an openly homosexual man.  I was tired of the “Don’t knock it until you try it” and the inevitable avoidance from men who wanted nothing to do with me because I had only ever been a “top”.

I hated and liked it all at the same time, but it’s not something I’d ever do again. I remember the moment entirely, Max we’ll call him,  was a rather fair-skinned skinny guy.  He was awfully attractive, but, a part of me just wasn’t into it (fully, like he had hoped) because I absolutely refuse to allow a man to have any kind of control over me in that way. It is, by far, an absolute turn off.

Being 22, I suppose, the reason why I did it was curiousness and exploration two things I’m notoriously and more often than not known for.  I tend to explore avenues in life that many others wouldn’t, and, avenues that often go ignored.  I remember feeling during “the moment” helpless; a bit lost, and “soft”.  It was strange, and rather at most, unpleasant. I had lost all sense of arousal, because like most men, he had tried to become aggressive and “dominant”.

I felt so disrespected in a sens that I never had before. Like my own needs and desires didn’t matter over his one goal: to ejaculate.  It made me realize that bottoms matter also, because, on top of everything else: he tried to ejaculate in my ass and i was not okay with that.  What made this experience so eye-opening was the fact that without asking he attempted to do so, but thankfully, I had discovered his agenda only after his breathing suddenly changed and it indicated he was about to, uh, yeah.

Which became the effective end of of  any interest I had in my “fellow top” because that wasn’t “sexy” to me. It wasn’t sexy to me to feel like an animal who just escaped his cage only to be caught by his owner,  and then sexually tortured only for his own pleasure than than mutually. And I had told him that. I didn’t even ejaculate, he, was more interested in using me simply for his own pleasure.

It was the by far the most tragic thing I’ve ever done, but, even then I was proud of myself for experiencing it because it had opened my eyes to better appreciation for bottoms and value the service that they provide to tops like myself.

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